


Counterbalance

by Anonymous



Category: Good Omens
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2020-05-07 11:10:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19208179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Poorly written cynical meaningless draft





	Counterbalance

 

In the beginning, it was easy, clear, and straightforward from a macroscopic point of view.

Well, maybe not very “straight”, though, considering which fandom we are writing under.

 

THEN

 

Crowley’s side invented more illness.

Then Aziraphale’s side created _cure_.

Then Crowley designed the idea of copycat, long before real cats becoming domesticated, so anyone could perform _cure_ , successfully or not.

Based on that, his side then brought up more ideas which included but were not limited to misdiagnosis, malpractice, side effects, drug resistance, and what Crowley is most proud of, _doctor’s handwriting_. And the uncomfortable feeling caused by seeing too many _thens_ and _ands_ in one article as well as _bad_ _writing_ including grammatical errors and the overuse of same words such as _thens_ and _ands_ as shown in what you are reading now.

Crowley also easily promoted alternative medicine and supplements.

Although Aziraphale’s side could gently encourage evidence-based practice (which already existed in the human mind) to thwart the other side, Gabriel was strongly against this, as _critical thinking_ would not only frustrate the demons, but also very likely to encourage scepticism.

“Give them something like the placebo effect,” said Gabriel, “it cures when they believe.”

Aziraphale did not implement any direct or obvious encouragement, but he did make the life of a certain group of medical experts easier, as some doctors do pray for miracles in operation theatres or laboratories.

 

THEN

 

Crowley did not interfere anything during his 1832 toilet trip. However, _Victor_ spent decades on creating a tedious book, which happened to be about that year.

“I used to think that you might have something to do with that book,” said Aziraphale, “not like you helped to write that book, but you were capable of at least inspiring it…”

“Your people, I mean your angels, obviously blamed me for both the book and 1832,” Crowley switched to the left lane with the right signal on, “they certainly got some historical record of the demon activity fluctuation in 1832.  After that book’s published, they had to work one more century to reduce the influence of it, and finally came up with the idea of editing the lines of a MUSICAL to allocate more credits to their side. Seriously.  A MUSICAL.”

“Different teams have different priorities. Another team might think _musical_ is a significant concern, a cause of moral degeneration, that team didn’t.” Aziraphale does not want to admit under this sarcastic circumstance that he does like that musical. Part of the reason he chose to stay in London is that the West End is part of it.

It was Crowley’s idea to cajole a considerable number of the audiences into focusing on the _Philia_ in the musical. That was recognised as the second most impressive move by both sides, only next to the “verify you are human” procedure when using internet service. Verification successfully improved frustration and irritation among human beings, and reduced the internet use of Aziraphale’s side, as angels cannot lie about if they are human.

 

THEN

 

Crowley completed a big project.

He facilitated great cooperation between two writers, and according to Crowley, “they still think it’s their own idea.”

He inspired them with the creation of the two main characters, which were based on Aziraphale and himself. Apart from that, he did nothing.

The witty humour and sharp sarcasm in that book gave Crowley a good laugh. He hadn’t laughed that hard after the last time he binge-watched Monty Python movies. This book also gave the _upstairs_ a painful sting.

Michael went desperate and plagiarised Crowley’s focus switching strategy.

“Switching people’s focus from humour and sarcasm, irony and criticism, doubt and scepticism to the actors’ appearance, and Philia between the characters! With TV series! Last time it’s musical and now it’s TV series, seriously, is Aziraphale the only angel that can read...”

(Actually, some German-speaking angels in Berlin can also read. But they see everything in greyscale. Therefore, the two main things they usually do are reading in libraries, and writing X-ray reports.)

“…and it’s obviously a commercial success, _I_ invented the concept of _commercial success_ to contaminate art and corrupt artists’ souls!”

 

THEN

 

“Have you considered about making that into a _musical?_ ” asked Aziraphale.

 


End file.
